In the past couple of weeks, I’ve had the profound gift of working with a couple of students who are struggling with emotional numbness. Whether in private sessions or heartfelt conversations after class, I feel immense gratitude when these moments arise—because I, too, have known the heavy silence of numbness. I spent years of my life moving through the world as if wrapped in thick wool, untouched by either pain or joy. And yet, that muted existence eventually unraveled, thread by thread, revealing the depth of life waiting beneath.

Lately, with the state of the world, I’ve even found myself asking, if I could go back to not feeling it all, would I? The answer is always no, but I understand why the question surfaces. There were benefits to being numb. I didn’t feel the sharp edges of grief or the suffocating weight of fear. I could push and push myself without recognizing when my body was begging for rest. But I also know that numbness does not discriminate—it does not selectively block out sorrow while allowing love, peace, and connection to shine through. It locks the door on everything.

Emotions as Visitors

Healing means opening that door, welcoming each emotion as a visitor, as Rumi so beautifully describes in The Guest House:

“Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.”

This perspective changed my relationship with emotions. I no longer fear them; I recognize them as waves, each cresting before rolling back into the ocean. When chaos or stress arrives, I am meant to ride the wave. When sadness knocks, I sit with her, acknowledge her presence, and allow her to move through me. The same is true for joy—it is meant to be felt fully, not grasped onto in desperation. Everything flows. Everything changes. But when we are numb, we remain frozen in place, unable to ride the waves at all.

The Science of Emotional Numbness

If you struggle with emotional numbness, know that you are not alone. This is not a failing on your part but a function of the brain’s innate survival mechanism. When we experience deep pain, trauma, or stress, our nervous system engages one of three responses: fight, flight, or freeze. Emotional numbness is the freeze response—our brain’s way of protecting us when our system is overwhelmed.

In the short term, this can be a life-saving response. I remember a time a few years ago when I witnessed a car accident—a driver, blinded by the sun, turned left into a mother pushing a baby stroller. I watched in horror as the stroller flew into the air before crashing face-down onto the pavement. Instinct took over. I leapt from my car, directing traffic, calming the mother, and preventing her from attacking the driver. My body knew what to do.

But then, as the emergency personnel arrived and asked me to recount what happened, my mind went blank. My hands trembled, my breath came in shallow gasps, and I couldn’t form words. My nervous system had shifted from fight into freeze. A kind officer sat with me until my body processed the shock, allowing the wave of emotion to pass. I came back to myself.

This is how the freeze response is meant to function—temporarily, as a way to keep us safe. But what happens when we get stuck there?

The Long Road of Numbness

I know what it means to be stuck. When my daughter was stillborn due to the cord wrapped around her neck, I left the hospital numb. I walked out into the world as if nothing had happened, and I remained in that state for a decade. I couldn’t acknowledge the depth of my loss, so I didn’t acknowledge anything at all. I was frozen. And the hardest part about being numb? You don’t always realize how deeply you are buried until something—some small crack in the ice—reminds you what warmth feels like.

As The Body Keeps the Score so powerfully explains, trauma lives in the body. We can ignore it for a time, but it does not disappear. It waits. And when we are ready—when we choose to unthaw—it begins to rise to the surface.

The Journey Back to Feeling

If you recognize yourself in these words, if you have been moving through life with a sense of detachment or emptiness, know that healing is possible. And though this journey is deeply personal, there are steps that can help:

1. Seek Professional Support – Therapy can be a guiding light through the process of unthawing. A skilled therapist can help you navigate the emotions that emerge and provide tools to cope with them in a safe way.

2. Reconnect with Your Body – When I was deep in numbness, I needed to rebuild trust with my own body. Practices like yoga, breathwork, and mindful movement helped me feel safe in my skin again.

3. Engage in Sensory Activities – Start small. Listen to music that stirs something in you. Smell essential oils. Eat flavorful foods. Take warm baths. Sensory experiences remind the body what it means to feel.

4. Journal Without Expectation – Even if you don’t know what to say, write anyway. Begin with, “I feel…” and see what comes. Over time, the words may surprise you.

5. Move Your Body – Whether it’s walking, dancing, or stretching, movement encourages energy to flow and emotions to surface.

6. Connect with Others – Isolation fuels numbness. Reach out. Join a group. Have a conversation. Even small interactions can reignite connection.

7. Allow Yourself to Grieve – Sometimes, numbness is a shield against grief. When the time feels right, allow yourself to feel what you have long avoided. It will not break you—it will set you free.

8. Be Patient with Yourself – Thawing is a slow process. Give yourself grace. Healing does not happen overnight, but with time and intention, you will begin to feel again.

A Life Worth Feeling

There was a time when I believed feeling nothing was safer than feeling pain. Now, I know better. To be alive—to truly be alive—is to experience the full range of emotion. It is to weep in grief and laugh until your ribs ache. It is to stand in awe of a sunset and feel your heart break open with love. It is to be human.

If you are still in the quiet space of numbness, I honor where you are. I know the comfort that can be found in not feeling too much. But I also know that life is waiting for you on the other side. When you are ready, take the first step. The world is still here. Your heart is still here. And you are worthy of feeling it all.

Photo Credit: Image by J_Blueberry from Pixabay