A Soft Beginning

In my early days of trying to meditate, I couldn’t last more than one to three minutes.

I would sit down on my cushion, close my eyes, and suddenly it was as if I had cranked the volume knob on every device in my mind to full blast. The to-do list I hadn’t finished, childhood memories filled with regret, awkward conversations I couldn’t stop replaying, fears about my children, anxiety that a panic attack might rise up mid-meditation, half-written grocery lists, missed work deadlines, daydreams of vacations I hadn’t taken—all of it played in discordant symphony. Instead of calm, silence amplified the chaos.

I remember wondering: How does anyone do this?

Around this time in 2018, I began a writing apprenticeship with Elephant Journal. One morning, in a class that felt more like a balm than a lesson, I was introduced to the idea that you could meditate with your eyes open. Techniques like single-point focus, five-senses awareness, and visual anchors were offered. This changed everything for me. When I kept my eyes open, I didn’t feel trapped in the noise. I could slow down just enough to witness the whirlwind of thoughts without getting swept away.

From there, I also began yoga teacher training, followed by mindfulness training. Over time, I built a new relationship with meditation—one rooted in curiosity, compassion, and adaptability. Eventually, I even found my way back to eyes-closed meditation. But this time, I came with tools that honored my nervous system rather than overriding it.

So I offer you this gentle invitation: What if the problem isn’t you? What if it’s the definition of meditation you were given?

The Myth of the “Perfect Meditator”

We’ve been handed many myths about what meditation should look like:

• You must sit cross-legged in stillness for twenty minutes or more.
• Your mind should be clear and still.
• If you get distracted, you’ve failed.
• Meditation is about escaping your current reality.
• It's only for the deeply spiritual or religious.

But here’s the truth: these myths weren’t built for the modern, overwhelmed, trauma-wired nervous system. They come from rigid ideals, not lived experience. And they often do more harm than good.

The reality is, you don’t need to fit into these molds. Meditation is not about perfect posture or performance. It is not about "doing it right." It’s about coming home to yourself, over and over again.

The Real Invitation of Meditation

To me, meditation is a portal to the safe sanctuary within yourself.

When we approach it that way, the pressure lifts. There is no one right way to meditate. There is only presence, and the gentle practice of returning to it. With that shift, the whole world becomes available as a meditation—breathing with a tree, sipping tea slowly, listening with full attention.

Meditation becomes less about reaching a state, and more about softening into whatever is here.

You don’t need to feel relaxed to meditate. On difficult days, just be present with your lack of relaxation. When presence itself feels far away, soften into the not-here. There’s no failure in a practice that has no rigid goal.

An admired teacher of mine once said, "We don’t meditate to feel better. We meditate to feel better."

We meditate not to chase away discomfort, but to become tender witnesses to it. We let the practice guide us toward deeper honesty. And we remember: there are no experts. No finish lines. No medals. Every time we close our eyes or tune into our breath, it can feel like the first time—because in truth, it is.

Somatic and Trauma-Informed Reframes

Meditation doesn’t need to begin with stillness. In fact, for many, it shouldn’t.

That’s why yoga includes asana—movement before meditation. Movement helps us release tension, reconnect to the breath, and bring awareness back into the body. It gives the mind something to follow, softening its grip.

We all experience dysregulation. Meditation doesn’t erase it; it shines a gentle light on it so we can make choices from awareness. We can meet our dysregulation not as a problem, but as a messenger.

From that place, we can adapt. Here are some beautiful alternatives:

• Walking slowly and feeling your feet meet the ground.
• Sipping tea and noticing temperature, aroma, texture.
• Washing dishes while attuned to sensation and breath.
• Lying down and simply noticing the rise and fall of your belly.
• Repeating a simple mantra while you move or breathe.
• Focusing on a sound, a texture, or the feeling of the wind.

These are not lesser practices. They are sacred. They are real meditation.

Real Tools for Real Life

You don’t need 30 minutes and a quiet room. Try one of these:

• Micro-meditation: Two minutes of noticing breath, sound, or heartbeat.
• Orienting practice: Look around and name five things you see, hear, or feel.
• Mantra + movement: Inhale "I am," exhale "here."
• Counting breath: Count to four with each inhale and exhale. Start again.
• Guided meditation: Let someone’s voice hold you while you rest.

Self-Permission is the Practice

Give yourself permission to:

• Soften into lack: of presence, of peace, of knowing.
• Begin again, again, and again.
• Let meditation meet you instead of the other way around.

Your stillness doesn’t need to match anyone else’s. Your path is yours. Choose practices that feel safe, accessible, and honest.

The only real rule is kindness.

Closing Reflection

What if meditation isn’t something to master, but something you already do—every time you breathe, pause, and return to yourself?

Let it be simple. Let it be soft. Let it be yours.

Journal Prompts

• What does stillness feel like for you?
• What forms of presence already live in your day?
• What might it feel like to let go of meditation as a goal, and instead meet it as a practice of remembering?

“Meditation is not to escape from society, but to come back to ourselves and see what is going on.” ~Thích Nhất Hạnh

Want to Explore What Meditation Could Look Like for You?

If you’re feeling curious about creating a practice that truly meets you where you are—whether through mindfulness, trauma-informed yoga, Yoga Nidra, or gentle wellness coaching—I’d love to connect.

You're warmly invited to schedule a free 20-minute video consultation. This is a chance for us to talk about your unique needs, explore different approaches, and see if working together feels like a good fit.

There’s no charge, no pressure—just an openhearted conversation to support your next steps.
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