There’s a sacred rhythm beneath the surface of every healing journey—not a straight line, but a spiral. The spiral reminds us that we return again and again to familiar terrain, but with new wisdom, deeper breath, and softer hearts.

Let me take you back to late summer of 2023.

I was working as a Chief Operating Officer, juggling high-stakes pressure, endless deadlines, and the invisible labor of holding everyone else together. My weekdays were consumed with stress and noise, but my weekends were my sanctuary. Each Saturday, I woke early, brewed a warm mug of mushroom coffee, and stepped barefoot onto my back patio. There, beside a trickling fountain, I would sit in silence for hours. Sometimes three, sometimes six. My journal open. My nervous system beginning to thaw.

This wasn’t a casual habit. It was medicine. A ritual of return. And if someone had told me even a few years earlier that I’d fall in love with hours-long meditation, I would have laughed. But on those Saturday mornings, I felt whole. I knew—deep in my bones—that everything would be okay if I kept coming back to this place within myself.

And yet, every Monday morning, my body would revolt. Jaw clenched. Chest tight. Tears before I even reached the office. The more peace I cultivated on weekends, the more excruciating the contrast became.

I began to question: What if the routine itself is the problem?

One particularly still morning, I asked aloud: “What am I doing wrong?” The answer came instantly, like a whisper inside my own voice: Just because you are capable of being a competent Bank COO, are you sure you want to be one?

The tears came like a storm.

Because I knew.

I was in this role for all the wrong reasons: the paycheck, the pride, the comfort of being needed. But it was draining me. I was wearing a mask five days a week, leaving little energy for the sacred work that lit my soul on fire. That question cracked something open. And that opening led me to give notice and walk away.

But that decision wasn’t the end of the story. In fact, it was just the beginning of another spiral.

The Spiral as a Symbol of Healing

Healing is not a finish line. It’s a spiral.

The first time I left the business world years earlier, it had felt like life had forced my hand. Pressure from my therapist. Pressure from my then-spouse. My nervous system on the brink. That departure felt like surrender. Necessary. Out of survival.

But this time? No one was pressuring me. I was single. Stable. Mindful. Grounded. And yet, I still found myself unraveling. The old stories I thought I had rewritten came back again, asking for a deeper kind of reckoning. The need to be needed. The fear of boredom. The addiction to productivity. The subtle grip of identity woven into my work.

I thought I was entering a season of rest. But rest, too, can be intense when it becomes a container for real transformation. I rested because I had to. Because the spiral brought with it new layers of letting go—relationships, roles, and beliefs that no longer served this version of me.

It was painful. It was freeing. It was the spiral.

What is Survival Mode?

Survival mode is your body’s intelligent response to threat. It is the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response we adopt when safety is uncertain. And it often becomes a way of life.

Signs you might be living in survival mode:

• Difficulty relaxing, even when "nothing is wrong"
• Feeling numb or disconnected from your body
• Constant people-pleasing or over-functioning
• Feeling more calm in chaos than in stillness
• Overreacting or underreacting to everyday stress

For years, I believed that managing chaos was my superpower. I wore it like a badge of honor. Friends and coworkers gifted me mugs that read “Chaos Coordinator.” I built a career on being the calm in the storm. My resume proudly had the tagline, “Brings Order to Chaos.”

But here’s what I came to realize: Chaos didn’t calm me because I was brave. It calmed me because it was familiar. Predictable. My nervous system had learned to regulate in chaos—and dysregulate in calm.

That was my wake-up call.

And with that awareness came an invitation to try something different.

What It Feels Like to Leave Survival Mode

Letting go of survival mode is disorienting. Like learning to walk on new legs.

The first sign? I could rest without guilt. My breath deepened. My shoulders softened. I stopped clenching my jaw in my sleep.

But then came the harder part. When I stopped running, I had to feel everything I had been outrunning.

The grief. The regrets. The self-abandonment. The places I had betrayed myself just to stay afloat.

This is why true healing isn’t for the faint of heart. It demands honesty. It asks us to look not just at our wounds but at the ways we’ve unconsciously co-created them. And that reckoning? That’s where the spiral takes you next.

Practices to Support the Shift

Healing is not passive. It asks to be tended.

Here are a few soul-nourishing practices that supported my emergence:

Reclaim Your Senses

Lie down on the earth. Feel her steady presence beneath you. Let your skin register the wind, the warmth, the life around you. Come back to your body, one sensation at a time.

Shake It Out

Let your body move what your mind cannot. Shake, sway, stretch, dance. Your body knows how to discharge the past.

Return to Ritual

Whether it’s five minutes or five hours, carve out sacred space to be with yourself. Journal. Light a candle. Close your eyes. Whisper a prayer. You don’t have to do anything—just be with you.

Journal Prompts

• Where in my life am I still bracing, rushing, or numbing?
• What does thriving feel like in my body?
• What would I plant this season if I trusted life to hold me?

These are your seeds. Let them root.

You Are Not Late. You Are Right on Time.

If you are spiraling—welcome. You are not broken. You are becoming.

There is no gold star for healing fast. No shame in circling back. The spiral is your teacher. Let it guide you.

May your roots grow deep, your breath grow wide, and your spiral lead you inward—then outward again.

You are allowed to emerge slowly. You are allowed to rest. You are allowed to become.

Ready to Begin Your Own Spiral?

If this post spoke to you, and you’re ready to step out of chaos and into clarity, I would be honored to walk beside you.

I offer a free 20-minute personal consultation to explore how we might work together—through yoga, meditation, or soul mentorship—to help you break the cycle of surviving and begin to thrive.

📅 Book Your Free Consultation Here

Let’s plant something new together.

Photo Credit: Image by StockSnap from Pixabay